One Swift Kick in The...

My apologies, I have not abandoned my herd. (and by “herd” I’m referring to the 27 or so of you folks that are gently nudged by me to continue visiting my tiny little spot in cyberspace.)  -Thank You!

Things have been utterly crazy at work as of late, though now that election season has come and gone, my fingers are crossed that I’ll be back to business as usual. 

“I didn’t know that you were on the campaign trail….I thought that you worked for a publicly traded traveling circus you say?”  All I can say is….one never knows where their responsibilities will take them in this company.  It’s never boring.  Nuff said. 

With that…I’ll get back to my fans.  *Clears throat*….I mean friends and family.

For me there’s nothing better than smell of apples and cinnamon.  YUM…just thinking about it makes my mouth water.  It’s overwhelmingly homey, I mean let’s face it, Realtors have even been known to throw an apple pie in the oven to help seal the deal when selling a house.

Thanks to my good buddy Mich over at Sweet Cadence I’ve become obsessed with Febreeze NOTICE-ables…in a good way, I swear! This has been a good sidetrack throughout the long Summer months as I've patiently awaited for my fave Season to arrive. 

Yearning for the "real thing" as October came and went, I felt the urge to partake in a few festive Fall activities.  Nothing major, it doesn’t take much to please me -in fact, that's one of the main reasons that the Keeper and I are such a good fit.  We can have fun doing just about anything.  Last year we drove for 12 hours from New England to Indianapolis cuttin’ up and laughing all the way -ahhh Newlyweds. 

That said, while out and about around town on a Saturday afternoon I suggested that we hit one of our local farmers markets to pick up some of my Fall faves, fresh pressed apple cider and cider donuts! –YUM! 

The Keeper begrudgingly agreed.  While as a couple we have a blast, he apparently hates “People”.  What the?! You hate “people”?  Well, I just don’t like being around the crowds, can’t you do this yourself?"  I quickly shot him a pouty glance and before he knew it, he was defeated. 

We circled the large parking lot a few times dodging Soccer Moms in SUV’s left and right finally stumbling upon a spot.  The crisp cool air hit our faces as we made our way through the mounds of Pumpkins. 

“Hey, why don’t we pick our a pumpkin or 2, you like carving right?”  said the Keeper.  Could he actually be getting into this I thought?  Yay! After much deliberation, I decided to keep it to one, with the insane work schedule I was looking at for the month I wasn’t sure I’d have time to carve one let alone two. 



My carved pumpkin- a few weeks later. 
Spooky right?

 As we made our way to the fresh apple cider/cider donuts the Keeper spotted the soft serve Ice-Cream stand. 
Pumpkin ice-cream?!  This easily made his day, I had him.  We made our few purchases, braved the crowd and made our way back to the car.  Once comfy and situated I turned to the Keeper and said, “Ya think we could make a quick stop to the HomeGoods Store on the way home?” 

Without hesitation he responded. “Don’t push your luck!” 

Defeated, I sat quietly as we drove home and let my mind wander. 

Nothing good can come of this. 

It’s so odd to me that the Keeper doesn’t like to shop.  My poor Father worked in retail for over 40 years, yet come any given Saturday or Sunday afternoon, he can be found on a random “man bench” in whatever store my Mother has dragged him to . 

Not the Keeper, he put his foot down from day one “it’s not happening.”  Maybe he anticipates what kind of ridiculousness he’d be getting himself into by partaking on these illustrious excursions with me. 

A few years ago before the Keeper was in the picture, I took a quick trip to the HomeGoods store with my parents.  Ahhh HomeGoods how I love thee, you’ve taken me on many a journey.  There's something for everyone!   

Where else can you find a giant giraffe statue and a mirrored credenza for under $1,000 bucks? What the?! 

Together, we decorated my very first apartment, found countless holiday decorations and gifts all while staying in budget!  I could easily spend hours in this store. 

Apparently my Mother could spend even more. 

As we entered the store, we immediately split up, me to the right, Mom to the left while Dad made the walk of shame over to the man bench. 

On this particular day, my Mother must have been on some sort of mission.  She took her time as she made her way from department to department.  Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock….she was taking forever! 

So much so, before I knew it, I found myself sitting right beside my Dad. 

As I sat alongside Poppi on the shameful bench I began to get more and more irritated. 

“God what could be taking her so long?”  Not only had she out-shopped me to the point of sheer boredom, my stomach was beginning to eat itself from hunger.    

I looked at my Dad and said, “I’m starving, I’m going to find her…”  I looked to my left where I saw a tiny Italian woman with helmet head bent over a pile of towels. What the heck is she doing?  Towels, really?!  With all of the gems to find in this store, you’re wasting our time on towels? 

I quickly ran over.  Without hesitation, I gave her a swift kick in the tush (literally) while not so softly spouting off “MA, come on let’s go…You’re killing us, we’re starving!” As she turned around, I quickly began to feel the pit in my stomach erupt.   Oh my God, it wasn’t her! 
I had kicked a total stranger in the hiney!
Please let this woman understand English!  Visions of police officers being called danced through my head or even worse, I'd be banned from HomeGoods for life!

In a split second I found myself apologizing to my Mothers look alike.  Now I've been a party to some embarrassing situations but this one took the cake.   

Mind you this was all taking place with my Father sitting front and center on the shameful man bench.  Who was the shamed one now I ask you?!  

 

As time passed, what seemed more like 20 or 30 minutes really only took about a minute and a half, I was mortified to say the least.  Thankfully my mama’s doppelganger was sweet as a cherry pie, responding to my attack with a big hug, she explained that she herself was the Ma of a smart alec daughter just like me.  

Humbled, I looked back at my Poppi's smiling face and made my way back to the bench where I buttoned my lip and sat in silence while I waited. 

Maybe the Keeper’s right, it’s probably best if I keep the shopping to a solo activity.  At least that way there won't be any witnesses on hand. 

More to come soon. 

~The Keepers Wife