Third Times the Charm

Sabotage:  sab-o-tage

1.         an underhand interference with production, work, etc.

2.         an undermining of a cause

3.         to injure or attack by sabotage

Synonyms

-disable, vandalize, cripple                           

Based on the definition listed above, I give you "Sabotagers."

Lurking in places where’d you’d least expect, said persons thrive on our personal failures to make themselves feel better.  Know any personally?  I do.
Yes, this might sound uber dramatic and totally self exaggerated, but I believe it to be true. 

Before I make the following statement let me throw a disclaimer out there. 

Disclaimer:

Yes, I am aware that I and only I am at fault for my yo-yoing weight issues. 

That said, it is not helpful when you’re on the straight and narrow following a weight loss program to a “T” only to be bamboozled with the obligatory “office Birthday Cake!” 

Me politely (and unconvincingly surprised): “Oh, what a surprise, thank you everyone…just a small piece for me please.” 

Followed by…“Oh come on! It’s YOUR birthday you have to have the biggest piece!” 

Now, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful and frankly this wouldn’t be a big deal but we seem to be celebrating something with cake for what feels like every other week at the office as of late- and frankly, it’s politically incorrect not to partake! 

Oh, and did I forget to mention, I’m not talking about a simple grocery store sheet cake people?  No offense grocery store cake! I do love your sugary sweet icing, but my co-workers don’t mess around!  These people are vulchers patiently waiting for any and all colleague’s big days to pop up circling birthdays on calendars well in advance with a red magic marker so as not to miss the sweet delectable goodness. 

The witching hour strikes at 3pm and insanity ensues.  In the midst of the daily grind of  office monotony come 3pm who can resist? 

We’re talking layer upon layer of the most moist yummy in your tummy chocolate cake filled with a thick rich cannoli cream mixed with chocolate chips -and look, this dessert comes two fold.  It’s topped with Cannoli! 

Hello?!  How could a person possibly pass this up? 

In my case, it didn’t end there. 

Later that very same night while out to dinner with the Keepers Aunt and Uncle we feasted on the muy deliciouso culinary delights of a Colombian hot spot downtown.  Stuffed with some mouth-watering Churrasco Hanger steak and combined with enough fruity sangria to send me into premature menopausal hot flashes, I passed on ordering dessert.  One slice of cake a day fills my quota. 

Shocked and dismayed by my decision, the Keepers Uncle urgently uttered... “I’ll be right back…have to use the ahhh…’bathroom’. “    Slick.

A few moments pass and before I know it, I’m swarmed by a group of Hot Latino men serenading me with birthday wishes while holding…

...you guessed it…another piece of cake. 

This time…a lemony delight topped with a light whipped cream and filled with  peaches.  Different, and just OK, not great, but let’s face it, cake is cake people.  Put it in front of me and I’m bound to have a spoonful or two.  (Or three, or four.)

Though I’d anticipated immediate embarrassment from the sudden PDA, I actually sort of enjoyed being in the spotlight for a moment.  Who knew?

Fast-forward à Two weeks later. 

You’d think we’d be done with this devilish dessert debacle at this point…not!  

This time it I had no one to blame but myself! 

Suffice to say come 33, I should probably be finished celebrating my birthday with an annual family dinner celebration yes?  No! 

In my big fat Italian family, breaking this tradition would be like throwing a statue of the Blessed Madonna on the floor shattering her into tiny little pieces. 

That said, for what would now be the 3^rd birthday celebration of the year, both the Keeper’s and my extended fam packed up our cars and made our way to my parents home for some dinner and small talk. 

Combined with a little (or a lot) of Merlot, the day was filled with the usual suspect faves. 

Family, food and…

Wait for it….



RED VELVET CAKE!! 

(with CREAM CHEESE FROSTING!!)


For this I make no excuses.  You see, I’d mildly suggested with a firm hand that the Keeper handle the cake ordering for this occasion!  Hey, if I’m gonna consume birthday cake for a third time, I might as well enjoy it!
-and man alive was it good!

Diving right in full force I thought to myself, clearly you can have your cake AND eat it too!    (I mean T-W-O not too…or  Three, and maybe next year Four?!)  Now that's just crazy talk!

At the end of the day I say this to the sabotagers...

Shut your pie-holes!

Life’s short.  Eat cake. 

~The Keeper’s Wife