Reflections

The day started off in the usual manor.  The Keeper hit the snooze button approximately three times or so before begrudgingly getting out of bed while the pup and I lay snuggled up clinging to the last moments of our sweet slumber.  With my eyes still shut the Keeper turned and laid a wet one on me while crooning,  “Happy Birthday Sweetheart!”. 

Still half asleep I slowly realized that he was right, the big day was here.  I looked up and responded, “Thanks hun.” then quickly closed my eyes and pouted. 

I’ve never considered myself to be one of those people who really cared about “getting older”.   In hindsight, I suppose that’s because I’m really still so very young.   

When hearing friends or family complain about age or joking about so and so being  over the proverbial hill I would laugh even mock boasting that “age is merely a number”.

When did birthdays go from being one of the most highly anticipated exciting days of the year to a consequence filled with anxiety and apprehension? 

For me I believe this moment occurred a few weeks before my 30^th birthday.  Thirty was a pivotal age in my life. 

I celebrated this life anniversary on the beautiful island of Kauai in Hawaii. 

Oh Kauai how I miss you! 

From the breathtaking peaks and valleys in the Grand Canyon to the Spanish Steps in Rome I’ve been very blessed to experience and see quite a bit of natural beauty.  That said, it wasn’t until I stepped out onto the lava rocks in the estuary of the beach in Kauai when sheer Nature brought me to tears.  The beauty is utterly majestic.    



My feet on the rocks in Kauai. 



If you’ve never been to the South Pacific live and in person 

-GO.  It’s unreal.

It was on these rocks that I began to reflect about my life.  Who was I ?  Where had I been, and where was I going?    

You see, I’d set some unattainable life goals for myself. 

Pardon the pun, but I am literally laughing out loud as I type this. 

(Wait until you read this, I don’t know WHAT I was thinking!)

1- I wanted to be married by 25  (fail)

2- First child by 30  (fail)

3 – Be pregnant with my 2^nd child by 32 -> then shortly thereafter hang up my hat and retire to be a Mommy.  (fail)

As a twenty something I hadn’t realized that all of the above was completely out of my control!  As many of us have learned, life has a way of planning itself.  I hadn’t “failed” at all, this just wasn’t to be my path. 

Alone with my thoughts, it was on this day of deliberation on the rocks that I realized just how much I was really and truly in love with the Keeper.  (You see we’d only been dating for a few months at this point and I frankly wasn’t really giving our relationship my all.)  

Despite the 5 hour time change, I was overcome by the combination of elements that I was experiencing.  Considering the emotion of this significant birthday, the majestic view, and the smell of the ocean air, I felt the urgent need to call the Keeper and tell him what was on my mind.  We talked and talked for hours about everything and nothing all at once.  (You know those conversations that you have at the beginning of a relationship-the ones that cement you as a couple.) 

Instead of holding on to the dread of turning thirty I began to embrace it.  I decided that an executive decision was in order. 

Going forward, my 20’s would be considered the decade that I “got my $h!t together” and my 30’s would be considered the decade of enjoying “the $h!t I’d gotten together”! 

-With the snap of a finger that was it, I’d turned it around.  No more birthday blues, sunny skies from here on in!   I was on the path to enjoying life or so I thought.   

30-31 came and went as the Keeper and I courted and got to know each other. 

31-32 was consumed planning for the “Big Day”. 

32-33 had some good times but was a much tougher year than anticipated.
Suffering the loss of a family member has altered both the Keeper and our family’s lives forever.  Though this loss will always remain in our daily thoughts, in our minds and in our hearts, today I choose to reflect on some happier things that have taken place this year. 

Love - The Keeper and I said “I Do” and were wed to be husband and wife.

Life – Our new nephew was born and baptized. 

Health - We learned that the Keepers “pain in is a$$” was a benign tumor – Thank God. 

Knowledge – I took part in my first “Night of Tomatoes” with the Keepers family- learning how to jar fresh hot tomatoes like they do in the Old Country. (738 jars, when it comes to sauce, these Italians are NO joke!)

Sports –I attended my very first Bengal game vs. the Ravens @ Baltimore.  (and we won!)  

Friends – Both the Keeper and I got “corny” taking a highly anticipated trip to Iowa visiting his long time BFF. – Good times and lots of corn!   

Family – The Pup joined our fam bringing us more love, hope and mess than anticipated!

Surrounded by love, family and friends I am thankful for what happiness we were able to squeeze out of this year. 

Armed with some life lessons and hope I look forward to the journey that 33 will take me on. 

~The Keepers Wife.